i haven’t been this in love in a very long time. life is so good right now in this moment.
so here we are again. that all too familiar feeling. that ache in my bones. the longing in my heart.
what have I learned?
I fear my destiny in life will be to love so intensely.
I have this insatiable need to give love, and this never ending desire to receive it.
if I had to pick a vice, it would be love.
how are you? i hope this finds you well. I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic this weekend, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It hit me while i was eating dinner tonight, that a year ago today I made a very important decision in my life. I had the option to go home, and yet I didn’t. I had the option to not stay out all night talking, and yet I did. I made the choice to watch a movie, and fall asleep in a new place. I made the choice to throw everything away. I am sorry. You deserved more than a phone call, and you deserved more than a long walk in the cold.
I am sorry that I was so entranced with the idea of someone being in love with me, that I broke your heart. I am sorry that it took someone else to make me realize that what we had wasn’t working anymore. I am sorry that I wasted so much of your time.
You know the bad things that happened between us. I don’t need to air more of our dirty laundry. I don’t regret our relationship, or the love we created. I needed that love, but I also needed to let it go. I couldn’t be who I am right now, with you. I am not the same girl that you left behind. I needed to find myself because I spent so much of my life wrapped up in you that I forgot who I was.
Perhaps I am giving myself a lot of credit, but hear me out. Don’t let what I did effect your next love. I made a bad decision. You made bad decisions. Nothing will ever change that, but that is also why we could never be together. The only way we could love each other is to hurt each other. You need someone who loves you in a way that I don’t know how. I need someone who loves me, and makes me feel that I am enough.
My friends have justified my actions that night, and perhaps that means they are worth keeping around. Just know that you deserved better. I am sorry. I will always carry you with me in a special place in my heart.
Perhaps one day, we will be able to talk in person.
it’s peculiar that we have so many things in common, and it’s funny that we keep coming back to each other